Great Balls of Polypropylene!
It's a wide, wild world out there, and I'm constantly surprised by how little I know about it. We live in the information age, and information collects, so the desire to keep up with it all is a constant, losing struggle. Something always falls through the cracks.
Like Neuticles.
I've been doing some reading on dog rescue - no, I'm not getting a dog; at least not yet - and on a border collie site I read a question about Neuticles. Capitalized because Neuticles is the brand name, and the Neuticles people don't want to be in the same boat as Band-Aid and Kleenex.
I can't stop saying Neuticles.
Neuticles, as you may have guessed, are testicular implants for pets (US Patent #58-68140). According to the manufacturer, when Spot or Puff have their gonads axed, they suffer from post neutering trauma. Dr. Nicholas B. Carter, of the Border Collie Rescue site, makes the point that all surgery results in physical and emotional post-surgery trauma, for both animals and humans. You get cut open, you don't feel your freshest. The Neuticles folks say it's worse for pets who get neutered. They miss what they are missing, and as a result experience depression and, yes, lower self esteem. When you replace your pet's testicles with Neuticles, he is unaware he has been neutered because he "retains his natural look."
Neuticles are essentially, how do you say, rubber balls. Well not quite. They're actually a polypropylene homopolymer (or homopolymere, according to the website), which makes them plastic balls. It should come as no surprise that the company now offer eye implants for your pets as well. And the new Neuticles Ultra, or Neuticles Natural (they need to get their branding straight), are made of solid silicone, to "replicate pets' testes in firmness," adding a natural feel to that natural look, no doubt. The balls come in a range of sizes to fit your furry friend, from less than half an inch (XSmall in the Feline line, Petite in the Canine) to more than 2 inches (XLarge Canine), with prices ranging from $53 a pair to $179. Neuticles are available by the piece as well as by the pair, in case your pet has a mismatched set of luggage, I suppose. The Naturals are significantly more expensive - 129 bucks versus 53 for the Canine Petite Pair, $169 versus $67 for the Canine Large. I say screw Poochie and go with the plastic. If you're really close to your pet, you can have replacements custom sized, at $399 (Feline) and $499 (Canine), for a pair or (oddly) for each. And just to keep everybody happy, Neuticles are available for your horse or bull.
Note: Neuticles offers a 10% discount "To Licensed Veterinarians," which implies that a certain number of purchases are made by the end user - well, their master, at least - rather than doctors. I shudder. Especially since the site offers charts illustrating the procedure. Don't cut off your dog's balls at home. Save that for your husband.
Replacement testicles have been available for humans for some time now (Steve even flirted with getting one on Sex and the City), so I guess it was just a matter of time before someone made them for pets. According to the Neuticles site (I can't stop saying Neuticles), it's "common sense" that a dog would know he was neutered. "A dog knows when he's hungry, when he has a flea, when he misses his owner - why wouldn't he miss a familiar body part?" Granted, this common sense flies in the face of what most experts say, but what do experts know? The general opinion seems to be that Neuticles are more for the pet owners than for the pets. As more than one doctor says in the "What Veterinarians Are Saying" page of the official site, "If it convinces people to neuter their pet then I'm all for it." Considering that, according to the American Humane Association, nearly 10 million pets are put to sleep each year in the US, it's no wonder that vets are in favor of neutering. Pet owners, on the other hand, have a different approach to Neuticles. As Lane Hinderman of Metairie, LA says, "He's a guy and I wanted him to remain looking like one." Echoes Glenda Nelson of Spring, TX, "Neuticles were the absolute least I could do."
Whatever you or I may think, Gregg Miller, the inventor of Neuticles, is not your ordinary crackpot. Over the past eight years, more than 100,000 animals have been "Neuticled" (his word) around the world. Now Miller has written a book about his experience. Called "Going Nuts," the book chronicles two stories: the development of the first canine testicular implant and the death of his father due to Alzheimer's disease.
Now that takes balls.
Like Neuticles.
I've been doing some reading on dog rescue - no, I'm not getting a dog; at least not yet - and on a border collie site I read a question about Neuticles. Capitalized because Neuticles is the brand name, and the Neuticles people don't want to be in the same boat as Band-Aid and Kleenex.
I can't stop saying Neuticles.
Neuticles, as you may have guessed, are testicular implants for pets (US Patent #58-68140). According to the manufacturer, when Spot or Puff have their gonads axed, they suffer from post neutering trauma. Dr. Nicholas B. Carter, of the Border Collie Rescue site, makes the point that all surgery results in physical and emotional post-surgery trauma, for both animals and humans. You get cut open, you don't feel your freshest. The Neuticles folks say it's worse for pets who get neutered. They miss what they are missing, and as a result experience depression and, yes, lower self esteem. When you replace your pet's testicles with Neuticles, he is unaware he has been neutered because he "retains his natural look."
Neuticles are essentially, how do you say, rubber balls. Well not quite. They're actually a polypropylene homopolymer (or homopolymere, according to the website), which makes them plastic balls. It should come as no surprise that the company now offer eye implants for your pets as well. And the new Neuticles Ultra, or Neuticles Natural (they need to get their branding straight), are made of solid silicone, to "replicate pets' testes in firmness," adding a natural feel to that natural look, no doubt. The balls come in a range of sizes to fit your furry friend, from less than half an inch (XSmall in the Feline line, Petite in the Canine) to more than 2 inches (XLarge Canine), with prices ranging from $53 a pair to $179. Neuticles are available by the piece as well as by the pair, in case your pet has a mismatched set of luggage, I suppose. The Naturals are significantly more expensive - 129 bucks versus 53 for the Canine Petite Pair, $169 versus $67 for the Canine Large. I say screw Poochie and go with the plastic. If you're really close to your pet, you can have replacements custom sized, at $399 (Feline) and $499 (Canine), for a pair or (oddly) for each. And just to keep everybody happy, Neuticles are available for your horse or bull.
Note: Neuticles offers a 10% discount "To Licensed Veterinarians," which implies that a certain number of purchases are made by the end user - well, their master, at least - rather than doctors. I shudder. Especially since the site offers charts illustrating the procedure. Don't cut off your dog's balls at home. Save that for your husband.
Replacement testicles have been available for humans for some time now (Steve even flirted with getting one on Sex and the City), so I guess it was just a matter of time before someone made them for pets. According to the Neuticles site (I can't stop saying Neuticles), it's "common sense" that a dog would know he was neutered. "A dog knows when he's hungry, when he has a flea, when he misses his owner - why wouldn't he miss a familiar body part?" Granted, this common sense flies in the face of what most experts say, but what do experts know? The general opinion seems to be that Neuticles are more for the pet owners than for the pets. As more than one doctor says in the "What Veterinarians Are Saying" page of the official site, "If it convinces people to neuter their pet then I'm all for it." Considering that, according to the American Humane Association, nearly 10 million pets are put to sleep each year in the US, it's no wonder that vets are in favor of neutering. Pet owners, on the other hand, have a different approach to Neuticles. As Lane Hinderman of Metairie, LA says, "He's a guy and I wanted him to remain looking like one." Echoes Glenda Nelson of Spring, TX, "Neuticles were the absolute least I could do."
Whatever you or I may think, Gregg Miller, the inventor of Neuticles, is not your ordinary crackpot. Over the past eight years, more than 100,000 animals have been "Neuticled" (his word) around the world. Now Miller has written a book about his experience. Called "Going Nuts," the book chronicles two stories: the development of the first canine testicular implant and the death of his father due to Alzheimer's disease.
Now that takes balls.
posted by John Bliss at
11:24 AM
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