What The Sims Has Taught Me
Several years back, when I first started this little mailing (October 2001), I wrote about how members of the online community were dealing with our inability to bring Osama bin Laden to justice; to wit, by destroying him digitally. Here’s a snippet:
“Thus, the proliferation of fantasy bin Laden destruction sites. As John Ashcroft announces that we may never find him, how best to vent our frustration at the terrorist bagman then to blow him up on the Net. In flash movies, he gets into fart wars with George Bush, shot up by Kumbaya-singing GIs, and decapitated by the Power Puff Girls. Games like “Yo Mamma Osama” give players a chance to shoot, bomb and bazooka the little devil into oblivion. CyberExtruder provides “skins” for Osama so you can import him into such games as Unreal Tournament and Quake3 and “frag that miserable excuse of a mongrel dog” or “nuke the flea bitten dung-eater.” Vicious rhetoric courtesy of the good folks at CyberExtruder.com.
“While there is a certain impotent joy to blowing up our current personification of evil, I prefer simpler means. Import Osama into The Sims, EA’s human-simulation game that allows you to manipulate the little lives of your own pet people. Instead of sending him to death and glory, move him into a suburban tract development where all his neighbors hate him. Give him a pot belly, dress him in tacky clothes, and stick him into a dead-end job. You can make him pee on himself (probably an unusual experience) or prevent him from bathing (probably not). When you tire of his antics, you can always starve him to death or drown him in the pool. I’ll take quiet desperation over total annihilation any day.”
Remember John Ashcroft? Remember when we were trying to capture bin Laden? Remember fighting terrorists instead of insurgents? Good times, good times.
[Speaking of Ashcroft, you may be interested in learning – if you haven’t heard – that this June, Alberto Gonzales removed the blue drapes that Ashcroft had installed – at a cost of some $8500 – to cover the naked breast of the statue of Justice in the Department of that name. First stem cells, now naked titties! Actually, in politics as in life, naked titties preceded stem cells. The world is going to the dogs!]
But this isn’t about Osama, or Iraq, or even John Ashcroft. It’s about The Sims 2.
*****
First, a little about The Sims. Once upon a time there was a little game called SimCity. In playing SimCity, you are a combination city planner and mayor as you build roads, zone for construction, and tend to the daily details of your own city, trying to raise money, encourage growth, and keep your people happy. Along the way, you deal with such natural disasters as fire, flood and attacks by Godzilla. Really. Whodathunkit, but the game was a huge success, leading to such follow-ups as Sim Farm, Sim Tower, Sim Earth, and yes, Sim Ant. While SimCity and its offspring inspired the “Tycoon”-style games (Railroad, Rollercoaster, Theme Park, et al), SimAnt led to The Sims.
You do realize this is a greatly simplified history, don’t you?
In The Sims, rather than controlling a city, you control the people who live in it. Or at least, in something resembling a suburb of it. Your little world is called a Neighborhood, and within the Neighborhood you can build, decorate, and yes, destroy houses. You people these houses with families of characters you build from scratch (or pull from the Family bin), determining not only their appearance, but their personality (Simology) in terms of Neat vs. Sloppy, Active vs. Lazy, and so on. You the pilot them through their little lives as they meet, socialize, build skills (cooking, charisma) and go off to work, with the goal of achieving greater success and buying more and nicer things.
Welcome to America.
The Sims was a huge hit. There are a lot of obsessive compulsives out there. Among whom I must number myself, because I found the game addictive. This game is to adventure games what Big Brother is to Survivor. Nothing really happens. You don’t even see your Sims at work. So what you’re dealing with is a lot of eating, reading, sleeping and pooping, with some TV watching and pinball playing thrown in for good measure.
It’s a lot like life.
Maxis – the company which created SimCity and was later acquired by Electronic Arts Games – released a series of expansion packs that built on the basic Sims game. Some of these featured new objects, characters and careers (based, in many cases, on things game players had developed on their own and posted online). Later expansion packs got your Sims out of the house, going downtown or on vacation. Eventually, EA created The Sims Online, which allowed your Sims to interact with those created by other players. (In a word: disastrous.) But through it all, the Sims remained terribly stagnant. It was a case of SSDD: Same Sim, Different Day.
Not any more.
In early 2003, EA/Maxis announced the release of The Sims 2. Though look and game play would remain substantially the same, the Sims would age, growing from a baby to an Elder. In addition, while players could create Sims of any age, when Sims had sex (a later development in the original game, wherein you could direct two Sims to “have fun” in bed), they could create an offspring which would combine the genetics (Simetics?) of the parent Sims. (This only happens if you choose “Try for baby.” In Simland, birth control is strong. And everyone is on it unless they choose not to be. The Sims are not Catholic.)
The Sims 2 was not released in early 2003. Nor in late 2003. And certainly not in March 2004, which is when online sites such as Amazon said it would be shipped. Or maybe July. But come late September 2004 – or most certainly some time in October – The Sims 2 was on the shelves.
*****
In my house, The Sims 2 was not on the shelf until January 2005. Which is when I got a new computer. My old computer was a workhorse which had served me well since November of 1999. When I retired it, the old girl still had plenty of life in her. But she was showing the strain of advancing technology. Since Moore’s Law suggests that computing power doubles every 18 months, my girl was more than 3 cycles old. And since developers design programs to run on the best systems, there were precious few upgrades left for her. Even the Net was starting to slow her down.
So I bought a new computer. Pentium 4 chip, 3 GHz processor, 512 megs RAM (upgradeable to 2 gigs), big fat hard drive, the works. And I bought Sims 2, ‘cause I had had such a good time with Sims 1. And I installed Sims 2, and my shiny new computer immediately crashed. Because the top of the line Intel graphics card wasn’t nearly top of the line enough for the needs of this fat new game which is a graphics whore. Now, I am not a total fool. I went into this computer purchase knowing I was not buying a “gaming machine.” But it’s the freaking Sims. It’s not some fast paced action game in which monsters are constantly leaping out at you or you’re racing through LA in a stolen car. It’s making dinner and playing darts. It’s the tortoise, not the hare.
Blah blah blah, new drivers, I won’t bore you with the details. Eventually it worked well enough, though it still has a nasty tendency to crash, just when you haven’t saved your game. Or you’ve saved too often. Or it gets cranky. In any case, I didn’t really get into the game until this summer, when I was unemployed enough to have some free time.
*****
As you play the game, you learn how to deal with the vagaries of Simish behavior. Most of which is a slight exaggeration of human behavior. Often very slight. Sometimes, just like me.
As in the original Sims, your Sims have needs. They are simple needs: hunger, hygiene, bladder, fun, comfort, social, energy and environment. Among your tasks, you need to keep them fed and keep them empty, keep their homes and bodies clean, give them things to do and people to do them with, sit them down and send them to bed. You monitor these needs through progress bars which proceed from green to yellow to orange to red red red. When their needs aren’t being met, Sims will let you know. Unfortunately, they don’t speak English. They do have language, though, a sort of English cadenced version of something from the Baltic States. And it’s not completely random. For example, if they can’t do something because an obstacle (chair, wall, other Sim) is in their way, they say something like “No dish.” At the same time, a thought balloon above their head displays the object (person, abstract concept) which is thwarting them. After a while, when you hear “no dish,” you think, like the mother of an impossible child, “What can be problem this time?”
The thought balloon – or speech balloon, if they’re in conversation – is your key to your Sims’ concerns. Sometimes it is obvious – another Sim, a ghost, a downhill skier. Other times, less so. Scratchy lines? A misshapen head? A burnt scone? I recognized the symbol for “bad environment” long before I was able to translate it into a broom and dustpan.
The Sims of S2 are much better at taking care of their needs: they are more autonomous than S1 Sims. In general, they will eat before they starve and pee before they explode. But such is not always the case. If a need is pressing, it will appear in a blue thought balloon. If it is extreme, it will appear in a jagged red thought balloon, and the Sim will scream at you, in a voice which suggests it is saying, “Mom! Don’t you know anything!” This is when you want to drown your Sim in the pool.
Sims are easily distracted. When you take your Sim out shopping – by the way, you can take your Sim out shopping – the first thing he or she is likely to do is go into the public restroom and look at the sinks, with a thought balloon which translates as “What’s this?” If they are at home, they can be in a room with toilets every three feet, and when they have to pee they will scream at you instead of using one. Frequently, they will fall asleep standing up rather than going to bed. Or they will scream at you to send them bed – even when they’re not doing anything else. This behavior is not as pronounced as it was in S1, when you had to micromanage every aspect of their lives. But it’s still maddening. Although the Sims in S2 grow up and age, in many aspects of their lives they remain 10 year old children. Just like your spouse.
Though Sims tend to suffer from ADD, at times they have a one-track mind. If they are playing chess, they will continue to do so until it is time to scream at you to feed them or send them to bed. If you have an espresso machine, they will drink coffee all night long instead of going to bed. This gives them the jitters, so its kind of funny, but it also makes them have to pee, so here comes the screaming. And if you have a hot tub, forget about it. Visitors will make a beeline for that tub. On one lot, I was forced to put the tub in a place that was inaccessible in order to get my Sims to do anything else. And I still hear complaints of “Heet way. No dish!” from visiting Sims.
Despite this, Sims will often satisfy their needs on their own. They will rarely satisfy them in an appropriate manner. When a Sim is dirty, it emits a cloud of green gas which they and others react to. (The same stink cloud appears above dirty dishes and when they fart. Yes, they fart. And think it’s funny.) Instead of screaming at you, sometimes they will wash up. I prefer my Sims to shower. It’s efficient, it takes less time, and gets them on with their day. Given their druthers, Sims will take bubble baths. They like bubble baths because they satisfy both hygiene and comfort. Unfortunately, they take forever, and the little suckers have a limited lifespan.
Sims will generally eat when they are hungry, assuming there is food in the fridge. In fact, if a Sim is both hungry and a little crazy – it happens; their emotional states are precarious – he or she will stand in front of an open fridge and binge. Even if a Sim is emotionally stable, it will not always make a wise choice. Sims can both “have” a meal – prepare a single serving – or “serve” a meal – prepare enough for six. Since Sims have families, and since even the most confirmed bachelor has to develop a shitload of friends in order to advance in his career, and thus must have frequent visitors, the “serve” function comes in handy. But a Sim can have a houseful of people, and he they gets hungry, he thinks of no one but himself. Unless you catch them in time, they will inevitably “have” dinner instead of “serving” dinner. I feel like a grade school teacher, asking if they brought enough for the entire class. On the other hand, I had an elderly grandmother – now sadly passed on – who, whenever she felt the slight bit peckish, would always prepare Lobster Thermidor for six. Even if everyone else was in bed or at work or school. It was a nice gesture, but I don’t need to waste all that cash.
*****
As a new addition to Sims 2, Sims now complement their Needs with Wants. Sims have an overarching Aspiration – Friends, Money, Romance – that affects all of their wants. So a Family Sim wants to get married and have children, while a Fortune Sim wants to earn more money and buy more things.
Sims are slaves to their wants. And they are compulsive. A Romance Sim wants to be in love. Then he wants to be in love with 3 Sims. Then 5. Then he wants to Woo-Hoo – Simish for sex. Then to Woo-Hoo with 3 Sims at once. (Not simultaneously, which is impossible (in the game), but concurrently.) Then to Woo-Hoo in a public place. And on and on and on.
Sims will not satisfy their Wants on their own, except accidentally. And their Needs and Wants frequently conflict. A Sim may Want a promotion at work, and the only way to get that promotion may be to Study. But if he Needs to have Fun, there’s no dragging him away from the television. Some objects can satisfy both Wants and Needs. The piano, for example, increases Creativity while it satisfies Fun. But if your Sim is cranky, you cannot convince it that playing the piano is Fun.
In part, this problem arises because Sims are victims of their personalities. A Popularity Sim craves becoming friends, and then best friends, with as many Sims as possible. Very similar to the Romance Sim, but without all the Woo-Hoo. But if they’re cranky, they may choose such interactions as Brag or Tease or Insult. Despite the fact that these choices are in direct contradiction to their greater Aspiration. Doesn’t matter to the Sim. They are creatures of the moment. They will play computers games rather than prepare for class.
Oh, no. That’s me.
[Sims will play computer games. Their favorites include such EA hits as SSX 3 and Sim City 4: Rush Hour. Need I say these games provide more Fun than anything else around?]
“Thus, the proliferation of fantasy bin Laden destruction sites. As John Ashcroft announces that we may never find him, how best to vent our frustration at the terrorist bagman then to blow him up on the Net. In flash movies, he gets into fart wars with George Bush, shot up by Kumbaya-singing GIs, and decapitated by the Power Puff Girls. Games like “Yo Mamma Osama” give players a chance to shoot, bomb and bazooka the little devil into oblivion. CyberExtruder provides “skins” for Osama so you can import him into such games as Unreal Tournament and Quake3 and “frag that miserable excuse of a mongrel dog” or “nuke the flea bitten dung-eater.” Vicious rhetoric courtesy of the good folks at CyberExtruder.com.
“While there is a certain impotent joy to blowing up our current personification of evil, I prefer simpler means. Import Osama into The Sims, EA’s human-simulation game that allows you to manipulate the little lives of your own pet people. Instead of sending him to death and glory, move him into a suburban tract development where all his neighbors hate him. Give him a pot belly, dress him in tacky clothes, and stick him into a dead-end job. You can make him pee on himself (probably an unusual experience) or prevent him from bathing (probably not). When you tire of his antics, you can always starve him to death or drown him in the pool. I’ll take quiet desperation over total annihilation any day.”
Remember John Ashcroft? Remember when we were trying to capture bin Laden? Remember fighting terrorists instead of insurgents? Good times, good times.
[Speaking of Ashcroft, you may be interested in learning – if you haven’t heard – that this June, Alberto Gonzales removed the blue drapes that Ashcroft had installed – at a cost of some $8500 – to cover the naked breast of the statue of Justice in the Department of that name. First stem cells, now naked titties! Actually, in politics as in life, naked titties preceded stem cells. The world is going to the dogs!]
But this isn’t about Osama, or Iraq, or even John Ashcroft. It’s about The Sims 2.
*****
First, a little about The Sims. Once upon a time there was a little game called SimCity. In playing SimCity, you are a combination city planner and mayor as you build roads, zone for construction, and tend to the daily details of your own city, trying to raise money, encourage growth, and keep your people happy. Along the way, you deal with such natural disasters as fire, flood and attacks by Godzilla. Really. Whodathunkit, but the game was a huge success, leading to such follow-ups as Sim Farm, Sim Tower, Sim Earth, and yes, Sim Ant. While SimCity and its offspring inspired the “Tycoon”-style games (Railroad, Rollercoaster, Theme Park, et al), SimAnt led to The Sims.
You do realize this is a greatly simplified history, don’t you?
In The Sims, rather than controlling a city, you control the people who live in it. Or at least, in something resembling a suburb of it. Your little world is called a Neighborhood, and within the Neighborhood you can build, decorate, and yes, destroy houses. You people these houses with families of characters you build from scratch (or pull from the Family bin), determining not only their appearance, but their personality (Simology) in terms of Neat vs. Sloppy, Active vs. Lazy, and so on. You the pilot them through their little lives as they meet, socialize, build skills (cooking, charisma) and go off to work, with the goal of achieving greater success and buying more and nicer things.
Welcome to America.
The Sims was a huge hit. There are a lot of obsessive compulsives out there. Among whom I must number myself, because I found the game addictive. This game is to adventure games what Big Brother is to Survivor. Nothing really happens. You don’t even see your Sims at work. So what you’re dealing with is a lot of eating, reading, sleeping and pooping, with some TV watching and pinball playing thrown in for good measure.
It’s a lot like life.
Maxis – the company which created SimCity and was later acquired by Electronic Arts Games – released a series of expansion packs that built on the basic Sims game. Some of these featured new objects, characters and careers (based, in many cases, on things game players had developed on their own and posted online). Later expansion packs got your Sims out of the house, going downtown or on vacation. Eventually, EA created The Sims Online, which allowed your Sims to interact with those created by other players. (In a word: disastrous.) But through it all, the Sims remained terribly stagnant. It was a case of SSDD: Same Sim, Different Day.
Not any more.
In early 2003, EA/Maxis announced the release of The Sims 2. Though look and game play would remain substantially the same, the Sims would age, growing from a baby to an Elder. In addition, while players could create Sims of any age, when Sims had sex (a later development in the original game, wherein you could direct two Sims to “have fun” in bed), they could create an offspring which would combine the genetics (Simetics?) of the parent Sims. (This only happens if you choose “Try for baby.” In Simland, birth control is strong. And everyone is on it unless they choose not to be. The Sims are not Catholic.)
The Sims 2 was not released in early 2003. Nor in late 2003. And certainly not in March 2004, which is when online sites such as Amazon said it would be shipped. Or maybe July. But come late September 2004 – or most certainly some time in October – The Sims 2 was on the shelves.
*****
In my house, The Sims 2 was not on the shelf until January 2005. Which is when I got a new computer. My old computer was a workhorse which had served me well since November of 1999. When I retired it, the old girl still had plenty of life in her. But she was showing the strain of advancing technology. Since Moore’s Law suggests that computing power doubles every 18 months, my girl was more than 3 cycles old. And since developers design programs to run on the best systems, there were precious few upgrades left for her. Even the Net was starting to slow her down.
So I bought a new computer. Pentium 4 chip, 3 GHz processor, 512 megs RAM (upgradeable to 2 gigs), big fat hard drive, the works. And I bought Sims 2, ‘cause I had had such a good time with Sims 1. And I installed Sims 2, and my shiny new computer immediately crashed. Because the top of the line Intel graphics card wasn’t nearly top of the line enough for the needs of this fat new game which is a graphics whore. Now, I am not a total fool. I went into this computer purchase knowing I was not buying a “gaming machine.” But it’s the freaking Sims. It’s not some fast paced action game in which monsters are constantly leaping out at you or you’re racing through LA in a stolen car. It’s making dinner and playing darts. It’s the tortoise, not the hare.
Blah blah blah, new drivers, I won’t bore you with the details. Eventually it worked well enough, though it still has a nasty tendency to crash, just when you haven’t saved your game. Or you’ve saved too often. Or it gets cranky. In any case, I didn’t really get into the game until this summer, when I was unemployed enough to have some free time.
*****
As you play the game, you learn how to deal with the vagaries of Simish behavior. Most of which is a slight exaggeration of human behavior. Often very slight. Sometimes, just like me.
As in the original Sims, your Sims have needs. They are simple needs: hunger, hygiene, bladder, fun, comfort, social, energy and environment. Among your tasks, you need to keep them fed and keep them empty, keep their homes and bodies clean, give them things to do and people to do them with, sit them down and send them to bed. You monitor these needs through progress bars which proceed from green to yellow to orange to red red red. When their needs aren’t being met, Sims will let you know. Unfortunately, they don’t speak English. They do have language, though, a sort of English cadenced version of something from the Baltic States. And it’s not completely random. For example, if they can’t do something because an obstacle (chair, wall, other Sim) is in their way, they say something like “No dish.” At the same time, a thought balloon above their head displays the object (person, abstract concept) which is thwarting them. After a while, when you hear “no dish,” you think, like the mother of an impossible child, “What can be problem this time?”
The thought balloon – or speech balloon, if they’re in conversation – is your key to your Sims’ concerns. Sometimes it is obvious – another Sim, a ghost, a downhill skier. Other times, less so. Scratchy lines? A misshapen head? A burnt scone? I recognized the symbol for “bad environment” long before I was able to translate it into a broom and dustpan.
The Sims of S2 are much better at taking care of their needs: they are more autonomous than S1 Sims. In general, they will eat before they starve and pee before they explode. But such is not always the case. If a need is pressing, it will appear in a blue thought balloon. If it is extreme, it will appear in a jagged red thought balloon, and the Sim will scream at you, in a voice which suggests it is saying, “Mom! Don’t you know anything!” This is when you want to drown your Sim in the pool.
Sims are easily distracted. When you take your Sim out shopping – by the way, you can take your Sim out shopping – the first thing he or she is likely to do is go into the public restroom and look at the sinks, with a thought balloon which translates as “What’s this?” If they are at home, they can be in a room with toilets every three feet, and when they have to pee they will scream at you instead of using one. Frequently, they will fall asleep standing up rather than going to bed. Or they will scream at you to send them bed – even when they’re not doing anything else. This behavior is not as pronounced as it was in S1, when you had to micromanage every aspect of their lives. But it’s still maddening. Although the Sims in S2 grow up and age, in many aspects of their lives they remain 10 year old children. Just like your spouse.
Though Sims tend to suffer from ADD, at times they have a one-track mind. If they are playing chess, they will continue to do so until it is time to scream at you to feed them or send them to bed. If you have an espresso machine, they will drink coffee all night long instead of going to bed. This gives them the jitters, so its kind of funny, but it also makes them have to pee, so here comes the screaming. And if you have a hot tub, forget about it. Visitors will make a beeline for that tub. On one lot, I was forced to put the tub in a place that was inaccessible in order to get my Sims to do anything else. And I still hear complaints of “Heet way. No dish!” from visiting Sims.
Despite this, Sims will often satisfy their needs on their own. They will rarely satisfy them in an appropriate manner. When a Sim is dirty, it emits a cloud of green gas which they and others react to. (The same stink cloud appears above dirty dishes and when they fart. Yes, they fart. And think it’s funny.) Instead of screaming at you, sometimes they will wash up. I prefer my Sims to shower. It’s efficient, it takes less time, and gets them on with their day. Given their druthers, Sims will take bubble baths. They like bubble baths because they satisfy both hygiene and comfort. Unfortunately, they take forever, and the little suckers have a limited lifespan.
Sims will generally eat when they are hungry, assuming there is food in the fridge. In fact, if a Sim is both hungry and a little crazy – it happens; their emotional states are precarious – he or she will stand in front of an open fridge and binge. Even if a Sim is emotionally stable, it will not always make a wise choice. Sims can both “have” a meal – prepare a single serving – or “serve” a meal – prepare enough for six. Since Sims have families, and since even the most confirmed bachelor has to develop a shitload of friends in order to advance in his career, and thus must have frequent visitors, the “serve” function comes in handy. But a Sim can have a houseful of people, and he they gets hungry, he thinks of no one but himself. Unless you catch them in time, they will inevitably “have” dinner instead of “serving” dinner. I feel like a grade school teacher, asking if they brought enough for the entire class. On the other hand, I had an elderly grandmother – now sadly passed on – who, whenever she felt the slight bit peckish, would always prepare Lobster Thermidor for six. Even if everyone else was in bed or at work or school. It was a nice gesture, but I don’t need to waste all that cash.
*****
As a new addition to Sims 2, Sims now complement their Needs with Wants. Sims have an overarching Aspiration – Friends, Money, Romance – that affects all of their wants. So a Family Sim wants to get married and have children, while a Fortune Sim wants to earn more money and buy more things.
Sims are slaves to their wants. And they are compulsive. A Romance Sim wants to be in love. Then he wants to be in love with 3 Sims. Then 5. Then he wants to Woo-Hoo – Simish for sex. Then to Woo-Hoo with 3 Sims at once. (Not simultaneously, which is impossible (in the game), but concurrently.) Then to Woo-Hoo in a public place. And on and on and on.
Sims will not satisfy their Wants on their own, except accidentally. And their Needs and Wants frequently conflict. A Sim may Want a promotion at work, and the only way to get that promotion may be to Study. But if he Needs to have Fun, there’s no dragging him away from the television. Some objects can satisfy both Wants and Needs. The piano, for example, increases Creativity while it satisfies Fun. But if your Sim is cranky, you cannot convince it that playing the piano is Fun.
In part, this problem arises because Sims are victims of their personalities. A Popularity Sim craves becoming friends, and then best friends, with as many Sims as possible. Very similar to the Romance Sim, but without all the Woo-Hoo. But if they’re cranky, they may choose such interactions as Brag or Tease or Insult. Despite the fact that these choices are in direct contradiction to their greater Aspiration. Doesn’t matter to the Sim. They are creatures of the moment. They will play computers games rather than prepare for class.
Oh, no. That’s me.
[Sims will play computer games. Their favorites include such EA hits as SSX 3 and Sim City 4: Rush Hour. Need I say these games provide more Fun than anything else around?]
posted by John Bliss at
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